Monday, February 13, 2012

Mustache Monday: Orlando Bloom

Orlando Bloom, famous for his roles in trilogies of movies like Lord of the Rings and Pirates of the Caribbean. Also, Elizabethtown. J

Orlando Bloom, less known for his scruffy ‘stache.

We applaud Bloom for the control he exhibits over his mustache, especially over our last few candidates who have let their ‘staches run amuck. Minimalism is making a comeback, y’all. Don’t miss the train. Now, we think Orlando could follow in Paul Grotelueschen’s footsteps and get some colored wax for his mustache so that it would match the color of his hair. As it stands, it looks a bit like Bloom used his buccaneering bow and arrow (Are we mixing up his characters? Oh well.) to sequester another man’s mustache, glue it on his face, and claim it as his own.  He must have been so entranced by the beauty of it that he forgot to check for color compatibility. As great as the shape and style may be, you just can’t get away with ‘stache stealing!

Orlando Bloom, our 11th man seeking title of best mustache. Let’s see how he ranked:
Size: 1/5
Style: 5/5
Originality: 1/5
Overall: 7/15

Orlando, although we love your fearsome facial hair, we cannot let our bias show through. The numbers don’t lie.

Becca and Kelley

We can see the headline now: Stylish ‘stache stealer serves sentence of seven sequential seasons.

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